…intrusive thoughts (ocd)

…i remember as a teen, i would have the most torturing thoughts trying to convince me different things, in the worst of ways- I would scream massively for God to believe the voices weren’t of me- i suffered and endured this alone for years-

fast forward, recently my almost 13 year old son began screaming back at his “thoughts”, stating he too was trying to convince God they weren’t true- i had never told anyone- but now it was time to tell his doctors- never would i let him feel alone in this-

still at 46, i have these pacing thoughts- since im just releasing the truth of them, i was recently told of medication that could help- it could be something as simple as a friend not responding back to me- the thoughts immediately convince me that im nothing, they no longer care for me, and I shouldn’t exist- can you imagine battling these thoughts daily; while clinging to faith that while you suffer, there’s still a God that loves you- if I may be honest.

but the world is too beautifully drawn, to not come from the hands of a powerful God- so I believe- I just pray daily that he’ll ease up on the storms, and grant my children the grace of not repeating them-

I’ve recently removed myself from social media again- I get so addictively caught up on everyone else’s seemingly masterpiece of a life, that I lose the will to sculpt my own- and if my eyes are too glued on someone else, I’ll miss even the smallest of graces left by God in my own surroundings- and most importantly, it pulls me from my son way too much- as before you know it, you’ve lost hours laying in the same position- and he deserves more-

so im ready father- and im focused- please show me you’re here-

please. 🙏🏾

kb