…the climb

…I will be journaling the climb out of my mental wars of very deep depression; so I will be focusing on documenting my honest emotions along the way- someday someone will find this, and they shall realize that they too can escape the mental lions that fiercely come for them- i am still surrounded by them all; but there’s this calming foresight of peace that gives me strength- this financial freedom- where the winds and waves embrace me at day, and the trees whisper lullabies at night- at that’s the smile i now find at 2am-

but i fear mornings greet, honestly- another day to fight, to survive, to remember the reasons why- to tend to the needs of an innocent child, alone, second by second; waiting for the sun to fall, to remove the mask and find comfort in silence, while silently celebrating suicides defeat- to question what feels like Gods abandonment- yet push, knowing my God is not that God- crying, and telling my beautiful boy it’s the bone on bone hip pain; knowing it’s the war with the lions instead-

but let’s see what God does- let’s document his grace, his forgiveness, his guidance, his lift, his power, his healing, his restoration, his freedom, his lions’ defeat- and wherever you are, and whoever you are; you shall begin your climb too-

-oh; things i did today that helped: 😏

…took a long ride with my son around the city- lowered the window to feel the breeze- no destination, not one- but it was so life saving- sometimes daylight is the medication- ❤️

so if you’re ever afraid of where your mind has traveled to; step outside and feel the breeze of God- the sunlight- watch the trees dance- and just inhale and exhale as slow as you can- you must find yourself again. oh darlings, i have been in the most dangerous and loneliest of mental places- please step outside and feel God. because sometimes the mind can feel so unalive- and sometimes we need to remind it, jolt it, awaken it- we’ve got this- i am with you-

i love you my unknown friend-

i do.

kb