…the lonely/safe bubble

…sometimes i crave friendship-

sometimes i wonder what a bonded connection would feel like-

a conversation about nothing, at any hour, for no reason- none at all-

laughter over lunch- over a drink- sip by sip- nothing hidden, all shared-

but ive tried- so many times-

as my spirit is often magnetic to others; so curiosity becomes curious to know me- over and over again-

but there’s this bubble that finds me curled up inside, for the longest of days- for the longest of months-

this safe space- that doesn’t care if I can’t touch certain wood textures, or may cringe at even the thought of it-

that doesn’t mind if i lay blankets across my floors to avoid the carpets’ texture underneath-

that knows the hidden psychological depths behind the genuine and honest displays of my kindness, and comforts without judgment-

so i run there often and twirl away, forgetting the world is the world, and the feelings of not belonging-

and i chat amongst myself, and i laugh amongst myself, and i heal myself- so i don’t call- so i don’t text… anyone-

even the closest of the closest souls to me- but life then reminds me of the unintentional isolation, and i become sad within- so very very often-

not because the bubble saddens me- but because the indifference alone comes with consequences many don’t understand-

so sometimes i crave friendship-

so sometimes i wonder what a bonded connection would feel like-

as the same bubble that brings me contentment, is the same very one that aches the deepest cut-

how very much a simple smile can hide-

millions get it-

millions never will.

kb

-i am with u ❤️